PS: The comment links don't work anymore :)

9/22/07_2:10Pm Ok.. here's the deal.. Usually I don't blog here unless I can't really contact people. So I might be blogging much more often. I've officially left Western for an art school in San Francisco! The bummer about this is that this school doesn's have it's own internet in the dorm I'm at. Apparently (according to a fellow geek) the internet that DOES exist in some of the dorms makes 56K look like lightning if there are more than 20 people logged on at once. That suggests to me that they only have one connection with like 473866000 kids logging onto it. Sad times, right? WELL Our room is right next to a T-mobile hotspot in the building nearby... so I'm thinking of just getting a T-Mobile account. I guess the account is $30.00 a month for unlimited access to any hotspot. It's just really convenient that there happens to be a hotspot in the corner of our livingroom! So.. I might get that.. and then move my computer desk near the kitchen so that I can log on with the big machine and not just my lappy.

Until I make a decision, I will be blogging here on occasion with borrowed internet and hopefully finishing up all the re-draws for Utopian Theory. By the next time I update UT, I hope to have all of the old pages re-drawn and a script written out for new content. Please consider the comic on hold until I get this done. :) I just feel like I should write out the story a little more in depth so that it doesn't seem crazed and random. SO! That is the Jenny news! Please stay tuned for further updates XDXD
BTW: sorry about all the copyrights everwhere.. I have suddenly become very aware of art thiefs online. ;-; Figured it would be good to put that kind of stuff up now.

4/10/07_7:57Pm
Another couple months, another new update! So.. I ended up starting that comic, but I've decided to keep it offline. It'll be for my own personal practice, I've decided. My characters and storylines change so swiftly in my own head that it's difficult to keep up with them in a comic. Especially one that I will be posting. My style changes dramatically at least every couple of months, so a comic at this point would be a really crazy ride for readers.. lol! I've also started searching for jobs and internships and whatnot. Hopefulyl I'll hear back from someone. I've put up some new art. My style has changed drastically (yet again x.x) and I'm happy aobut it.. I think I'm finally starting to grow a little bit artistically and I blame my classes for that :) IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS!: I've noticed something sort of important, at least I feel like it is. Lately I've been saying what I mean. I've also nearly completely stopped making up reasons for the things I do. I've been wondering about this sudden personality change like... is it because I've gotten jaded or something? Am I less nice than I used to be? I certainly still worry about calling grammie and taking care of my fish, but for some reason, I don't attribute my faults to an inherent inability anymore. A while back I went to a concert and saw an old friend from highschool. She looked at me and told me that I looked happy and comfortable as if she'd never seen me content in my own skin before. Then, I was talking to my cousin about how far we've gone on this crazy college thing and he looked at me and said that I've gotten much more confident.. and you know what? I am more confident; and the only thing I can think of that could possibly be the reason for that is that for once in my life, I am truly, unabashedly, overjoyously HAPPY and for the first time in my life, I think that I'm okay with the world. Things are just okay. Everything right now is okay. I'm happy.

2/24/2007__3:51Pm
Soo...! Heyyy! Yeah.. it's been a while. I am currently poking around with the possibility of starting a webcomic.. so that's why this page has been on sort of a dead-spree. However, today I've updated the art. :D Also, I am considering finally removing the Furcadia section of this page and keeping it in storage for fond memories. Although I had loads of fun in my youth, that part of the page is becoming quite dated and roleplaying just isn't that big of a part of my life anymore! :( I'm also moving Oldskool as an offshoot of the Art page and elimitating my cliques since I doubt any of them remember me anyways! Haha. It's ok, though.. I have IsolatedPast now.. though I haven't really gotten many chances to update it lately due to a horribly busy schedule. I'm looking forward to nicer weather and slower days in spring to help me jump-start that page back up again. Nine hour class days take an astounding amount of stamina!

5/31/06_11:29Am Music: Keane: Untitled 1
Sealie commands your admiration. In other news, school is almost over. I'm kinda glad.. I'm looking forwards to running around and being irresponsible this summer. I've recently gotten back into Furcadia a little bit now that things are opening up, too, which makes me happy. Last Saturday we went Sushi Bar hopping in Seattle and got the wrong directions for one of the bars. So we ended up walking all over downtown Seattle before we found it while we were looking for a -different place!- The bonus is that I got to go to Uwajimayas, watch Brian eat sushi, and I got my very favorite: Unagi Roll!

We wandered around downtown forever.. and we were all convinced that it'd be a really long trek back to the car, so when we left the final bar and it was pouring buckets it was sort of the whole "awww man!" feeling. What makes it funny is that the car was actually like.. two an a half blocks away! After running all over the place, we definitely gave poor Brian a hard time. <3 Then, when we got into the parking garage, some guy had parked directly behind someone! So we sat in the car and dried off while listening to the angry chick next to us that he parked behind. On Sunday Brian Danny(Brian's buddy/room-mate) and I went out to a parkinglot and he started learning how to drive Danny's automatic BMW. It was really funny because he kept freaking out about letting out the klutch, though I'm sure he wasn't as bad as I would have been!
5/25/06_2:27Pm Music: Gnarls Barkley: Go Go Gadget Gospel
Egh.. So I learned not too long ago that I've gained a whole bunch of weight and so I decided that I was going to cut back on the junk I eat. I probably lasted like.. two days. I am sooo frustrated at myself! I have absolutely no self restraint whatsoever. Luckily I'm going home, so eating opportunities will get much fewer with work. In other news, I'm selling a couple of my bettas. There's just too many fish (omg can't believe I'm saying that). Plus. I'm debating whether or not I'd like to get a rat. The house I'm at doesn't allow pets, but that doesn't mean I won't be able to get one senior year or something. Simon inherited his rats from his sister. They're both sooooo sweet! I love them! Jessi used to have a rat, too, that would fall asleep in your shirt. She was so soft and cute. <3 Anyhoo.. I'm yearning for a soft, fuzzy animal now. Hopefully I'll have a chance in the near future to get one!
5/3/06_12:16Pm Music:None
Yeah yeah.. I know x_x I am lame. I'm back for a short period of time. Kourtney: thanks for the updated link :) It has been changed accordingly. Things have been all insane here at school lately. There are all sorts of angry people running around the main square preaching at each other about abortion. Some organization stuck up all of these billboards with pictures of dead fetuses on them. That night I had a really scary dream that I was watching people being tortured in Disneyland. End moral: Protests are the dumbest thing I've ever witnessed. Not only do they rarely accomplish anything, people usually do things that are so extreme that they just end up pissing everyone else off and make people even more close-minded about the issues. I hate protests! If someone has something to say, why can't they do it in a way that doesn't involve some sort of offensive slogan or pictures? If using the shock factor is the only way you can get people to listen to you, then you really need to take a look at your backup info. ARRRR! Anyhoo.. new layout today, I think :D Back later.


3/29/06_12:44Pm Music: Cranberries: Salvation
So not much new. I removed a LOT of junk from the art section.. it was getting sort of cluttered with stuff that I'm now considering as old. On a totally awesome not, I finally got into the art department! Which means that I can finally draw during class! Joy! The goldfish are getting huge and I'm afraid I might have to sell a couple of 'em. I love them sooo much though! Brian and I are having our 1-year anniversary in April, too. That's definitely a weird feeling. I didn't realize that I could be happy with someone that long and still want to go another year. More updates later :)

3/17/06_12:36Am Music: Gorillaz: 19-2000 (soulchild remix)
Hey.. I'm back. It's been a while 'cause I'v been figuring out what I want to do. I think that from now on this will be more of a comic blog. I'm not really very good at keeping up with regular posts of any nature, you know? So yeah. New comic coming soon. Not too sure when. Until then, hope you guys like the layout. ;D

11/23/05_7:12Pm I swear I'm not dead!! I have just been crazy busy. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am sort of excited, though for some strange reason, my room feels like even less of my home than usual. I guess it's just because grammie was tearing apart the house, trying to clean everything. Silly grammie.. she should know that it's impossible to clean her house. I got goldfish! They are so cute and sweet.. Brian and I are slowly influencing the people on our floor to get fish. I have also gotten out my old art stuff and am starting to work on stuff for a portfolio for getting an art major. I am really looking forward to seeing if I can put together a really nice one. It would be cool if Brian could help me create a web page for it. Other than that, most of my life has been studying for tests and drinking lots of yummy coffee!

10/22/05_5:51Pm
Today was sort of a lazy day. I got up late, then popped over to the Underground Coffeehouse and read for a few hours. I'm reading Drowning Ruth, which is an incredibly mind bending book. It's a timepiece, but it's done well. Sitting in the coffeehouse though, made me feel really lonely. It sort of reminded me of how I don't really have anyone to go there with that I'm just friends with. Come to think of it, I don't actually have friends here and it's a little disturbing. I suppose it has something to do with me being 'strange' but lately I just don't feel motivated to do anything. It feels like my creative energy has been drained out of me. I'm not sure where it went, to be honest. I didn't used to care so much about stupid stuff.. I wonder what happened.

10/11/05_8:19Pm
New host, new layout. Just about everything is new, actually. I still have the same content but my payments are lower and I'm much happier with the guy who's hosting me considering he lets me do stuff for free. So! This page is dedicated to three bands! I'll give you a cookie if you can say who!

8/30/05_4;17pM
I'm back. Things have started to slow down in life and I'm getting ready to go back to school. It seems like things are going to be fun this year. I can't wait to get the hell out of this town. I love my friends that are still here, but to be honest, Olympia isn't really a part of what's going on in my life anymore. I mean, my family is important, which is why I say "really" but it's kinda nice to think that I've moved on. People aren't going to be hovering over me all of the time and telling me to be careful. I'd like to make my own choices for a while, even if they're bad ones. Also, I'm looking forward to going back to an environment where people will actually treat me like I have some intelligence and open-mindedness. I'm sick and tired of being treated like the world will crumble if someone says a cussword next to me. Anyhoo. I'M READY TO BE FREE!!!

8/07/05_2:01Pm
So summer is going accordingly. I can't help but go a little crazy because I have to work, which means it's hard to get together with friends. I like the relaxation part though. Went to Sea Fair and saw the Blue Angels with Brian, his dad, and his sister. He has a really crazy nice family. His dad paid for everyone. I should probably think of a way to pay him back. I also attempted to bake Brian a pumpkin pie for helping me with panic attack stuff. I guess it was ok.. I should have baked it earlier and chilled it though because it really was kinda mushy from just being out of the oven. I could have heated it up. I didn't have enough time though because we were just on the crust when he called to say he was coming. Hopefully I'll get another chance to try sometime soon.

7/22/05_6:14Pm
New layout... I was getting tired of the old one. Mostly because it was BORING. Ha. Yes... summer is here and I am working my arse off. Seriously.. getting cardboard cuts is the weirdest experience ever. You think that since it's cardboard it can't do much, then you realize that there's a chunk of your skin missing. Thankfully, I won't be working with residential files too much longer. Those are the ones that they don't want to use the rest of the shelf space, so they cram all of these files into one tiny space. It's weird, too, because I have to put stuff in them and some of them are reports of what people have done to get into the mental hospital that these files are for. Like.. some people are convicted murderers who are simply there because their lawyers got them off on an insanity plea. Kinda weird to think that I am handling the file of a murderer. I'm glad they lock them away.


7/13/05_4:18Pm
Yeah.. lack of updates. Mostly because work has just recently let me start keeping some of my energy. I work for the state now as an office assistant. It's pretty boring.. mostly just distributing mail and re-organizing files. It pays pretty well though, so I'm not going to complain. I got a new fish. I have decided to call him Ted since I haven't used it yet and it seems to be a pretty bland name. Brian was going to buy me a fish originally, but I beat him to it by accident. I have offered to let him buy me another one, though, since there should be room for a shubunken in there. Fish R fun.


6/26/05_2:57Pm
Summer is heeere and I've already driven to Brian's house twice. It turns out that I already knew his friend, James. Who would have thought that we had already met in Vivace? It's such a crazy world. Even more awesome, I know all of his family because my mom did the uniforms for the choir with some other people. We are sitting in the "dungeon" AKA Brian's basement, playing computer games and WOW and stuff. We spent ten hours on Cilization 3 last night. It was crazy. Only I sucked because I got the Koreans and I didn't have ANY resources whatsoever. It was annoying, but the guys came and saved me from certain death. I'm getting a job at the state, too, so I might be able to buy more games this summer. That's what I'm hoping, at least!


6/16/05_9:49Pm
It is nine o' clock at night. I am alone in my room. No one is around, there's no banging on the walls, my bed isn't poking me with it's springs. I could get up and go to the bathroom -anytime I wanted- without walking in on someone. This completely and utterly rocks. The only downside is that my rockin' neighbor is in Tacoma, but I can still drive up there to say hi, so in my book, life is good. I have people that care about me.. this is the upside of things. I'm comfortable and warm.. so why am I spazzing?


5/30/05_5:17Pm
I'm in such a weird mood today. I feel content, yet strangely stressed. This may have something to do with the fact that finals is so damned soon x.x But you never know, right? I've been so goddamned self conscious lately. It feels like if I don't starve myself, then I'll be too large. To be honest, I don't think I've gained all that much if anything but it feels like I'm humungous. Could this just be the sunny weather? The need to conform? Hormones?? I don't know, but it's sure driving me crazy. I wish I could believe people when they say I look fine. I just don't feel all that attractive. I want to replace 90% of myself. It's insane. Plus, this lack of self esteem is just causing me to eat more. I feel unhealthy and greasy. It's hard to get a hold of healthy food around here without seeming obssessed and I hate the fact that this plays such a large part in my life. Why can't I just relax like I did earlier in the year? Do I feel like I have someone to impress?? I just don't know.


5/23/05_9:14Am New: nothing Pictures: Samwise Gamgee
So I've been getting these pains in my chest and I'm not really sure where they're from. Thankfully they're too far down and not centered enough to have to do with heart problems, but it still hurts quite a bit. I might get mom to get me a doctor's appointment for them. I've already had one, but it just hasn't gone away at all, so I guess I'll try again. In other news: I got started on my Anthropology essay, which is a short written history on my family's background. I did mostly my grammie's side because they were the cool ones. Granddad McGuire knew Jessi James, which I think is pretty cool, and an earlier relative of his was an original Texas Ranger. It's really weird to think they came over from England. I treated Brian to IHop this weekend because he's awesome. We both just inhaled the food there and I think it's because the cafeteria food is just sort of.. sub par x.x It's ok.. but when your eggs come out of a box as a powder and the bagels are hard as rocks, it feels good to get some real food. In other news, we also played DDR this weekend and I played Era on maniac! I got a C on the mat where the right arrow is broken (we re-calibrated it to use the upper right one instead) and then a day or two later I played it on the regular mat. I was doing really well and had the little fiery status bar until our mats cheaped out on us and lost their calibration, which caused me to miss all the steps reguardless of whether I was hitting them right or not. Argh! I so would have gotten a B.. oh well. Guess you can't win 'em all.


5/19/05_7:14Pm New: LAYOUT! Pictures: None for now
Hah! Brian has now been placed into layout status. Isn't that the best look on his face, ever? I think it's a good picture. I decided that I'm going to screw reading this book for class and finish it over the weekend. I already know enough for discussion group anyways. Besides.. I'm stressed and still unsure as to whether or not I'm going home this weekend. Probably not. I kinda just want to stay here. Maybe I'll forego the job hunt for a little while. Costco can wait, right? Hah, I'm a lazy wench.
Edit: Sorry about the dinky post from last night. I was using Brian's computer and felt bad for taking so much of his time. I freaking lost my USB in his room somewhere! I always have to bring it in now because of the internet issue and I brought it in to do my homework last night. Lo' and behold, it's completely disappeared. Rah! Oh well.. he has Dreamweaver on his laptop, so I was able to fiddle around with the FTP on that to finish the update here. For some reason, it just refused to connect last night. Stupid thing >:C Web pages are nothing but trouble! Trouble, I tell you!


5/03/05_10:09Pm New: nothing Pictures: On The Lake|Sunset|Lovely Water
Things have gotten all crazy this week. I got a call from the Army this week asking about my good friend Susan White. They were asking stuff about whether or not she had any foreign friends that she constantly contacted. I know that we have to be wary of outside influences, but it was kind of funny to interact with that paranoia in a first-hand situation. He sounded like he was afraid that her pen-pals were going to wage war on the states. Hold onto your Pocky, folks.
In other news: I went to the lake with my family, as one of the pictures included shows. That's my mom's tea sitting on the banister of our deck. Actually, it's my Aunt's deck. She was nice enough to let us stay at her cabin on the lake, which happens to be near my college. My uncle offered to let me rent it out for the year and I nearly died of happiness. To be honest, though, I think it's just too far away from campus. Plus, I have no car, so it would be at least a two-hour bus ride everyday. Oh well. I'll just rent a cheapie room out of a big house my Junior year and hope that no one will steal my stuff. The lake really was gorgeous though. It was nice and sunny, too, which I was really happy about. My parents seemed to be relaxing. I had to study for a HUGE History 104 test, though, so I only kinda half-relaxed. For the relaxation that I did get, though, I lived it up to the best of my ability!
13 is my lucky number.


4/26/05_10:15Am New: nothing Pictures: Vibelation
ADDITION 6:27: New layout.. sorry x.x the other one was lopsided and driving me CRAZY
Arrghh! My head is so freaking sore!! I spend too much time watching movies on my laptop. Brian and I watched Monty Python's 'The Meaning of Life' and it was totally awesome. Anyone who can make an insurance company take off in their building like a giant ship and shoot file cabinets like cannons kicks ass. Check it out Crimson Permenant Assurance They actually SAILED the building around this city and took down all of these big businesses. Also, there was the weird guy with the super bendy arms and the transvestite that were looking for the fish. "Oh where oh where did the fishy go. A fish, a fish, a fishy, OOoohh!" Never understood that one. I think at that point in their career, Monty Python was just making an honest effort to try and shock people. I think they were blatantly making fun of the fact that it takes very little to upset people nowadays. Which is fine with me, because stuff like that deserves to be made fun of.
The wind is blowing really hard up here and they just fertilized the lawn. Which means it smells like cows. Susan said she bought us a cow and named it Dipsy, but I have yet to see said bovine.


4/24/05_8:28Pm New: nothing Pictures: Being Lazy|Brian and Frisbees|My Corner
Well.. yet another new layout. I felt the need to put up a testament to Incubus's new CD since it totally rocks. The photos were fun to hunt down as well. I considered putting up a Killers layout but my friends just got back from a concert of theirs so I decided to express a bit of originality. I'm angsty this month and have been listening to Mr. Brightside, which has pretty much put me on the brink of suicide. My arms got all bruised up :discreet cough: but that tends to happen when I get depressed and stressed out on too much coffee. I've been sitting with the window and door open for the past six hours just listening to Mr. Brightside and vegging out. Speaking of Mr. Brightside, my pals went to Canada for the Killers Concert. go check out their pictures. Some of the pictures with my room mate are really cute.
I moved all of the furcadia stuff to a single page. I don't play enough to update any of it, so I'm going to just keep it there for sentimental reasons. Don't get me wrong, I'll still play, but I'm slowly getting out of things anthromorphic. I could never really get into the sexual side of anthro, anyway. I just kind of went because I enjoy RPing and the people who go to Furc are pretty good at it. Plus, now that I have more schoolwork to do, things are going to get increasingly difficult.. especially since I'm trying to get a job at Costco so that I can get a car. I don't really care what kind of car it is.. as long as I have something to get away in. Besides, I need to build up my work ethic.
Well.. some serious shit has been going down in the dorms. There have been rumors flying around about Brian and I, one of which has already made me cry. I don't know why I let them (the rumors) get to me. Everyone is being really nice now that they know the truth so I guess that things are ok now. Brian went home this weekend so I sort of had to fend with these rumors on my own, but I don't think I'm going to talk about it for a while. It's not important compared to the problems that he's dealing with right now and I don't want him to think I can't handle it. I want him to be fully aware that I am entirely capable and willing to help him with his own problems.


3/6/05_8:12Pm New: Nothing
RYAN DREW ME A PICTURE!

It's of Urahara! He's so awesome.


4/15/05_9:23Am New: Art
Not much has been happening lately. I've been studying my butt off for all of these tests in college that always manage to come at the -same time-. It's frustrating. I've been listening to a little bit of Green Day to relax. Green Day is one of my pet peeves because either people seem to adore them or hate them. I, personally, like them if I'm in the right mood. They might not be much for lyrics most of the time, but if you're frustrated and don't feel like listening to love ballads, this is the band.
So far I've listened to this morning:
Falling For The First Time - Barenaked Ladies
Are We The Waiting - Green Day
Jesus of Suburbia - Green Day
Are You In This - Stroke 9
Laughing Outloud - The Wallflowers
One Time - Stroke 9
I have decided that CSI Miami pales in comparison to the normal CSI. Just because they tried to make Horatio like Grissom, only with feelings. I like Grissom better. He doesn't need to show his feelings to be cool. It just makes it that much funnier when he gets confused about something and you -know- that Grissom is always going to win. He's Grissom! Come on! I personally would love to be one of those eclectic people that is obviously intelligent but is hiding so much. Grissom does it in a cool way, too, because he hides stuff but he doesn't do it intentionally. He just doesn't talk about it. Rock on for Grissom.


4/7/05_9:15Am New: Art
So.. all updated now, which is good. I've been drinking a lot of coffee lately and it's been making me pee >:C Oh well. I suppose that it isn't that big of a deal. Boys suck, as my room mate can tell you, but I won't get into it. I think that I have been deemed as the third party anyways. Rah. I hate Thursdays. They're just one step away from your freedom, you know? Though, on Friday I think that I'll be able to take it easy. I'm still trying to lose a little bit of weight and remaining un-successful at it, which is frustrating. Speaking of weight, we watched a video today in Developmental Psych. There was this bit of an egg in the process of being penetrated by sperm, and the momentum made it start spinning around. The narrator then decided that it would be appropriate to compare this to a "mysterious celestial body", which of course cued the terrible synthesizer musak. God, I thought I was going to die. It was possibly one of the funniest serious things I've ever seen. So-bad-it's-good to the finest!


4/5/05_8:41Pm New: Art
Just a short little post for today =) I'll change it tomorrow. New layout.. also a SLEW of new art, so please check it out!


4/4/05_11:21Am New: Nothing
I spent the first days of going back to school listening to Black Balloon. To be honest, I don't really listen to the Goo Goo Dolls very often. Mostly because they remind me of how lonely I was as a child. I used to sit and listen to Name and just.. cry. Name and Iris were both my comfort songs for a while because of how melancholy they were. I didn't have to worry because the lead singer was as lonely as I was. The problem is that I'm done letting myself be lonely, but the songs still make me feel detatched and discouraged. Black Balloon is different. It wasn't until a year or two ago that I could admire the sheer musical quality of that song. The fact that something so sad in appearance could make me feel so refreshed is astounding. Maybe that's why I spent so much time listening to Motorcycle Driveby, by Third Eye Blind. I wanted to be the serene person that could never be obtained. In some ways, I think that I actually am, just not in the way I wished. I want to help people with my influence instead of directly interfering. That's also how I want to be helped.
Maybe that's why the Goo Goo Dolls make me cry. The guy just stomps his foot right into your heart and through that hole of loneliness. Just as a reminder that it's there. It's beautiful and it's painful. I hate them. They remind me of all the time I spent being mocked and crushed by the people around me. They also remind me of running through my neighborhood in the rain, watching the slow industrialization of my childhood stomping grounds and hitting the swings alone. Getting soaked. I don't want to get to know this band. I don't want to buy their albums. I don't want to see them live and I don't want to hear any of their new music. I already know them because they are what I used to be.


3/29/05_9:11AM New: Nothing
Rah! Spring break was so awesome. Do you know what I did? I slept. For four straight days. Then I went to my friend Jessi's and slept there too. I love Jessi. She's having mom problems and life is chasing her around with a pitchfork right now, though. I'm going to see if I can't get her address and send her an encouragement package in the mail. Not much has been happening.. I'm getting fatter >:C It's all that yummy easter food.. I just can't ignore it! Merry is depressed and I've decided that I'm going to draw her a cartoon and actually animate. It will be poorly manipulated, but dammit, it will show my lover for her!
I sent Mike's shirt back. I never actually thought that I'd do it. He'll probably take it as a direct attack but hopefully he'll see this post sometime and realize that it's just killing me to keep hanging on when he obviously doesn't really want me around. He thinks that Brian and I are going to be a thing, along with the rest of the world, reguardless of the fact that I keep telling them that Brian has a girlfriend. Not to mention the fact that he is more like a big brother. Brian beats people up for me! =D


3/4/05_9:21Am New: Nothing (stuff coming soon, I swear)
Urahara is so awesome =D
Sorry about the lack of art and whatnot. Though I'm sure it isn't too big of a tragety, I've had so many tests and essays and stuff due that I can't even begin to think about how I'm going to get it all done. My classes are going better than I thought they would though considering all of the crap going on. Brian, my next door neighbor, and I have struck up a pretty good friendship. We've become DDR buddies in an attempt to form some sort of friendship and it worked really well. I could easily say that he's my best friend here. I was really happy, too, because I just beat Afronova on Trick (7 step?). That's got to be one of my top favorite songs. I tried playing on the machine at the mall and remembered why I can't play as much now, though, because my foot hurt like hell. The doctor says she can't find anything, but if it hurts, we should just assume it's broken. The problem is that, at the moment, if I don't have something to distract myself with, then I'm going to go insane.
Brian and I went to the asian market the day before yesterday and I stocked up on Pho (vietnamese noodle soup). He gave me some of his good chopsticks to keep until the end of the year. I bought a whole bunch of candy too because the Japanese make the best candy ever. Brian's having a lot of life stuff that's driving him crazy, which is why I suggested that we go. I've been trying to get him out of the dorm. It bothers me to see him depressed and I know that he and his girlfriend can talk stuff out. He just needs a buddy to cheer him up; which is my job, I've decided.


2/22/05_11:08Am New: Nothing
So.. here is the new update! Nothing really has happened to me lately to talk about. I actually broke my foot playing DDR, though that doesn't change the fact that I'm still playing on it.. ha! I suppose I should take it easy but life has been really hard lately. I don't really have any energy anymore. I finally talked to Susan about how I needed to get more sleep. I felt bad because I know she doesn't mean to make as much noise as she does. She was really nice about it though so hopefully she won't worry about it too much. My hair's getting long too and I was thinking I might get it pixie cut and dye it something. Just for the hell of it. Also, I have a new friend named Cassidy! He's a really nice guy.. his room is sound-proofed so we're going to go watch a really freaky movie at top volume and see how bad we can scare ourselves. His girlfriend lives in Walla Walla and he drives alllll the way over there just to see her. It's amazing. He's just a really good guy and I hope that they make it. As for myself, I don't really have the time or energy anymore to date. After the current fiasco involving relationships that I've just gone through, I don't think I'll be willing to give anyone a chance for a while. It just takes too much guessing.. I'm tired of having to figure out whether people are lying to me or not. Mike never calls or writes, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised because I'm out of his life now. I really should just stop poking at him. He's probably sick of me, though I'd like to hear from him since I miss him. I guess there's nothing I can do since he doesn't love me anymore.


2/1/05_8:34Pm New: Art

Holy cow. What a crazy month January was. The last couple of weeks were spent in the turmoil of boy problems and wonked out feelings. However, after a short period of recovery and lots of sleep, I finally got down to having some fun! My Birthday was on the first of this month, so the Sunday before my mum and dad took me to (dun dun dun) Canada! It was lots of fun. Mum had troubles with the Miles to Kilometers thing when we first started off, but she figured it out pretty quickly. We hit the chinatown in Vancouver and got sick on really rich italian food. Plus, mum bought be a new head scarf that's really plus. Then, at the dorm, Susan and I walked to the ice cream shop ten blocks away in heels just for the heck of it, then stopped by the local playground and goofed off on the slides and such. Mallard's makes the best peach cheesecake ice-cream that I've ever had! It's superb. Also, it's surprisingly easy to get around on a playset with heels, but I wouldn't reccomend it. Afterwards I had to go to class, but our floor surprised me when I got back with a whole bunch of balloons, a big poster card, and loads of cupcakes! They were definitely delicious. They even bought me a new set of colored pencils! It was crazy! People were calling all day. However, possibly the coolest part of this whole thing was the fact that mum brought me up a box of at least 20 Sobe drinks. I need to do something special for her.


1/17/05_7:13Pm New: Art
This weekend I decided that I was going to go goof around at home instead of hang out at the dorm so I had to scramble for a Greyhound, then travel for five hours in the dark with bunches of creepy people. Thankfully I had company, so it made things a little less intimidating. I guess it rained over the weekend in Bellingham and washed most of our snow away and I'm kinda happy about it. Tired of scrambling and slipping all over the place. It's also a lot warmer this way too. We fixed my iPod so now I can listen to music and it's got a little dock now that plays the music out loud. I'm a little worried about Mike because he seems really spacy and depressed. Not that I can blame him since I'm spacy and depressed too. I've also gotten really cranky over the past few days and am sort of snappy, sadly to say. Oh well.. I think it's just because I'm a loner and it's hard for me to hang out with people at the dorm.


1/14/05_9:10Am New: Nothing (but stuff is coming soon, I swear!)
Oh man.. I totally aced that music test I had this morning. The guy was asking stuff like "what is syncopation?". I almost feel silly for studying for so long. Just think of all the sleep I could have gotten! I've gotten into the habit of going to the Fish Bowl (dorm lounge) and tinkering around on the piano. So far I can play a Puertorican Love Ballad, Clocks, a little bit of Drops Of Jupiter, and Brick by Ben Folds Five. I really want to learn Claire De Lune, but that's for people that can play with more than one hand. If I want to major in music, then I'll probably have to just learn the damned instrument but there's still a possibility that I can find some type of job in psychology that won't make me a total nutcase. Just about everyone on our floor complimented my hair! I was so surprised and it made me feel really good because I didn't really think they'd notice. The people on my floor are really thoughtful, though. Kent usually makes sure to ask if I'm coming to dinner, then pesters me if he doesn't think I'm eating enough so I feel very special. It's a good pick-me-up after a long day.


1/13/05_11:16Am New: Nothing

We straightened my hair!! =D =D [Look!]




1/13/05_1:09Am New: Nothing
I nearly killed myself in the snow! Since everything is all slushy, it freezes overnight and my attempts to walk to class up the hill nearly caused me to break my neck. Note to self: wear better socks. Our heater has been broken but just recently Susan got it fixed. I really don't like it all that warm in the room but Susan gets cold pretty easily so our room has been raised to sauna status. Really, I can walk around in a camisole and almost be too warm, but it's better than being too cold I guess. I'm dreading this three-day weekend! Mostly because I have no clue what's going to happen. I think that Mike might drive Jessi down, but since we've broken up, who knows what's going to happen now. My cousin Matt might make a field trip to Canada for snowboarding, though, so if the Jessi thing falls through, then I'll probably just go with him. Man, getting up at 7:00 for class bites.


1/09/04_1:59Pm New: Nothing
So.. things have been interesting lately. Of course I've been having guy problems, but that's what life is all about, isn't it? I don't think I'll talk about bad things anymore. I went ice skating yesterday with my room-mate Tiana and her friend Tyler. It was my first time and I was so proud because I was doing really well and could actually go pretty fast. There was this bigger group that was skating around and none of them could believe it was my first time. I guess I just have good balance! Susan and I tried her fondue set; what a disaster! We did fine with just the candle but then she decided that she wanted to try the microwave to really liquify the chocolate. So she snuck out to put out the candle (candles aren't allowed in the dorm) and I went to put the chocolate in the micro. 20 seconds later I had a bowl of burning, smoking chocolate and Susan was diving into the room to hide from people coming around the corner. We had to carry the entire micro all the way down the stairs and OUTSIDE in order to let the smoke out so that we wouldn't set off the dorm-wide smoke detectors! Then, of course, we had to clean the chocolate off of the micro and our hands. That was definitely an adventure. The most important thing that's happened to me lately is Tiana and I went to go see Garden State. Good movie. I've never felt so good about myself and just.. life.. since I came to the dorm. Nathan, our RA, was the one that told me I should go since I was having problems. As soon as the movie was over, we all put on trash bags, went to the 5th floor, and screamed into the abyss that was our street. I've never felt so immediately relieved of stress in my life. The trash bag is hanging from my wall now. Here's a picture


12/02/05_9:32Pm New: Nothing
Well, life after break has been great. Not only have I felt like a huge burden to everyone I know, I've become a psychological punching bag. Apparently, to the rest of the world, I have no feelings. Happy fucking New Year.


12/24/04_7:22 New: Nothing.



Merry Christmas, everyone.






12/23/04_7:51Pm New: Nothing.
So we had some pictures of my birthmom made. Mike bought me some frames for them, which I thought was incredibly sweet. He does so many little things, it's amazing. I couldn't even begin to thank him for half the stuff he does and in the process of trying to do so, I think that I've gotten a little over-clingy. Time to give the poor guy some space. Oh man! We went and saw Phantom of The Opera! It kicked some serious ass. Emily Rossou is really good at making her chest heave in those corsets too. I'm not even male and I couldn't take my eyes away from her boobs. It was amazing! It was like she had this entirely separate entity living on her chest that just moved. The guy that played the phantom was cute and he also happened to be a good singer (ha ha) and the Masquerade scene was particularly spectacular. Mike and I sat in the front row singing along with the movie since we're both pretty big fans. Later, this guy came and asked us if we liked it. I really hope that he didn't hear me singing. He was sitting near the back, which means that most everyone else would have, too, if he did. I really can't think of any other reason for him to ask us about the film. Ah well.. I guess I'll never see those people again so it doesn't really matter.


12/14/04_3:26Am New: Nothing.
I was thinking a lot about Teresa (my birth mom) today. My adoptive mom and I watched this episode of 'Lost' together and they did a flashback about the pregnant girl. She was giving her baby up for adoption and they were in this really unfriendly looking office. The adoptive parents were portrayed as sort of mean and the lawyer was downright scary. The girl was just sitting there stammering awkwardly and nodding as the lawyer told her that, after the baby was born, she could never see it again. It made adoption look so terrible and caused me to wonder if that was how Teresa was feeling when she was signing the papers for me. I wonder if she cried. I hope that she didn't. I hope that she went on to have more kids and get married or something. No one deserves to feel guilty and grieve over something forever. I wanted to meet her for a long time, but my parents weren't really helpful. I can sort of see why. They're both insecure about me suddenly up and not loving them anymore. So are other people. It makes me think that maybe I should express myself more. I'm not very appreciative, I guess.


12/10/04_3:37Pm New: Art
Life has taken an interesting turnaround. Upon finding out that most of my college year has consisted of me being a selfish ignoramous, I've decided to lay low for a while. Not only have I been squandering the new freedom attatched to my bank account, but I've been irritated and downright un-appreciative about everything. My attempts to socialize are miserable and it's impossibly frustrating. Interestingly enough, though I seem to have gained some type of merit as a nice person at the dorm, I've just begun to hate myself more and more as time passes. My patience with friends has declined and I've gained several self-destructive habits that make me wonder about what I'm really trying to accomplish.
Perhaps I really am the spoiled brat that I was so afraid of becoming.
In any case, there is one person that makes me feel truly content with myself. I can't think of any other person that's made me feel as comfortable and downright loved as he does. Every time he smiles, it's like everything I was worried about holds absolutely no merit. I'm so happy with him. Sometimes I wonder how someone as sweet and thoughtful as he is could ever wind up with a spoiled runt like me.